Because I want to win this game

I don’t know how to start this

Maybe I’m just typing stupid stuff again

Talking about shit about life

Maybe start from who I think I am?

Well, I think im quite good at studies, not very good but just a lil above average

I always have weird ideas

I like to fantasize about scenarios that would never happen in real life all the time

I’m annoying af and gets annoyed easily

Super lazy, so I’ll think of ways that I can get my shit done the laziest way

I didn’t really love myself

I guess probably most people are struggling with loving themself

I think I’m stubborn

I hate many things

I’m an introvert in real life, I still am

I feel like sometimes my brain is messed up and not messed up at the same time

I think many people hate me

I’ve hurt many people and animals

Well, I hit my dog because I thought that’s the right way to train dogs and get mad when they didn’t get it right

and I’ve bullied people who I thought they deserves it because they’re so shit

I’m no different than those who have bullied me back in school and online

I stole things from people because I thought they owe me

I used to blame about all these behaviours on other people

I blamed it on my family

I blamed it on the person who has forced me to do stuff

I blamed it on people who bullied me at school and online

I blamed it on my teacher who would always find fault in me if given the opportunity because she’s not happy with my mom a.k.a. her colleague or maybe supervisor

I blamed it on people who have broked my heart and trust

Well, I actually did the same shit they did to me

I’m so fucked up in many ways I know it

I know there are many people are struggling to live their life

I am too

I’m trying to live with all these guilt and I can’t seem to let them go

I didn’t walk my dog because I was falling in love with some dude online and I was too lazy

I moved out from my house to pursue studies in other state because I didn’t like my home

I’m really sorry, to my dog

I left him

I’m the one who wanted to take him back home

and I’m also the one who has abandoned him

I know no matter how many times I say sorry and how sorry I am won’t bring him back or change the things I’ve done

So I will only get pets when I’m ready to commit

How about the people I’ve hurt?

I don’t know, I’m a coward

I’m still figuring out

Should I apologize to them?

Should I just be a better person to other people?

I can’t be a perfectly nice person for sure

But I’m trying

I have “friends” that have known me maybe like for few months?

and all of the sudden, they hate me, because people that hates me told them about things

I thought they were telling lies about me

Maybe its their truth, but it wasn’t my truth

I was hurt because no one stand up for me

So i resorted to bullying others to make myself feel better

But that doesn’t mean its ok to do it

It’s something that I’ve always regretted in my life

Maybe during my high school era I am actually not depressed

I was just trying to get attention by saying that I’m depressed and I wanna suicide all that shit

I acted like I was some random stranger’s friend but I’m actually not

I wanted to look like I have friends

I made up some stories, told some lies

I convinced myself that I was depressed and I wanted to die

One day, I really wanted to die

I was screaming

Really hard

I wanted someone to help me

I tried to reach out but

No one really hears me

I feel like I’m drowning in the sea

I cant see the shore or anyone

No one is there

I did get some help

but after that

I feel more lonelier ever

I stopped reaching out for help

I stopped talking about what’s inside my head

People are probably tired of my shit

I’m drowning again

Probably most people are like this

they have friends but they don’t really have people to talk about their shit

You know, everytime I try to disappear

some people will get worried about me

they will ask about me

but when I start to open up

they’re like uh huh, then no reply

I mean what the fuck man

If you don’t mean it, then don’t ask how am I

Sorry I’m not trying to blame but it actually hurts

when you think people care about you but they actually don’t

Yes, you don’t care and it’s ok

Just don’t act like you care because you think it’s your responsiblity

It’s not. It’s ok to not give a fuck. It’s better than giving a false fuck you know?

Okay, maybe people do really care but not in a way I want them to

I got offended because I think people should care about me

I know no one is obligated to give a fuck about me

Only I can change myself to make myself feel better

But those are my thoughts at that moment

When I feel like stop existing

I jokingly said “I want to die”

Actually I really want to die

The reply I got was “yeah you should go die”

I know it’s a joke but I start to realize how serious this kind of joke is

I started get angry when people make jokes about suicide

like when people joke about “why don’t you just kill yourself?” “you should just die”

I know, I know, not everyone is sensitive

I can’t expect everyone to stop making jokes about suicide

I couldn’t say “I want to die” to anyone verbally

I can only type

I’m so tired

I hate it when everyone treats me like a joke

especially when I tell them what I’m actually thinking

the stuff I’m upset about

and not acknowledging my feelings especially people I really care

I really hope someone can stand on my side

Just once..

I guess you reap what you sow

That’s karma

I always have this same nightmare, different dream, different people, different place but it’s the same thing

I’m trying to run away from something or someone

At first it was zombies, then people who hates me a lot

I think it’s probably trauma from my childhood

I was being bullied by relatives too

I have this relative who would suddenly get mad at me and scold me

Try to hit me with a hammer and stuff

then I’ll run away from that relative

Maybe there’s more to that but I remember my childhood was very lonely eventhough I have 2 siblings

I hate people since young

As in I would always hide inside the car when my mother drove me to see other relatives or her friends who likes to talk shit about me

I don’t know if I had anxiety attack or panic attack

I started to get them since last year maybe?

Apparently they are different things

Everytime when I worry about something

I have this feeling like I can’t do anything but I want to do something to stop thinking about the problem

If I’m eating, I’ll lose my appetite immediately

I have this pressure on my chest

Maybe I did have depression

back when I first date a dude

Many people knew what he did to me and some refuse to acknowledge it

They chose to support that dude

It’s ok you do you but they would deliberately try to hurt me

As if I did something to them

I have to be very careful of every single word I said to that guy

if I said something wrong, he would scold me and call my phone

he makes me feel like I did something wrong, I shouldn’t have friends, I shouldn’t enjoy things I love

I have to become who he wants me to become

Then I realized I frequently switch my mobile ringtone when I was dating that dude

It’s one of my mistakes, for dating him

You know why did I switch my ringtone?

Because I always get startled everytime my phone rings

and I started to hate every ringtone I have used

I started to understand what backstabbers are that time

people who would act nice infront of me and secretly supported the guy who harassed me every day

and understand the importance of helping someone, standing up for someone

Strangers did a better job of protecting me than the “friends” I knew that time

I was stupid piece of shit

I thought everything was my fault

I said wrong things and I did wrong things

So I punished myself by hurting myself

I stop eating and sleeping for few days

Hoping that someday my body couldn’t take it and I die

I started to scratch my wrist

I didnt cut my wrist because it would leave scars

I don’t want anyone to see it

Even after breaking up, I was still hurting myself with the same method

for maybe 5-7 years

I was mildly suicidal but I didn’t thought about how to die and stuff you know

I just hope that my body will stop functioning and die

2 years ago something fucked up happened

Something I’d never expect it to happen

That was the worst period of my life

I really wanted to die so bad

I keep replaying my death in my head

How I’m going to cut my wrist

How many family would react when they find out I died

Where am I going to die

How about the place I rent in Australia

Do I move my stuff first?

I don’t want to be a burden to anyone

I was being blamed and pushed away

by the person I loved and cared about

It hurts so deep that I feel like I’m going crazy soon

I had help, at that time.. by my friend

I mean its not my friend’s job to take care of my emotions

but the second time I feel like dying

I tried to reach out to my friend and someone I think I could trust

the reply i got ended with a “haha”

That was the moment I thought to myself

Maybe everyone is like that

No one would be 100% with you all the time

I couldn’t rely on anyone

I know it’s not your responsibility

I cant help but to feel disappointed and hopeless

Then I tried to hurt other people who didn’t know me well

Yeah I stopped contacting them already

My mind was seriously fucked

That time I was hoping maybe these random people could comfort me

and when I got what I want, I will disappear

before I got to actually know them

karma hit me

Really hard

My room got robbed.

Just my room.

Was it my neighbour?

Was it my housemate?

I don’t know

I lost my laptop

I think I should die

I saved up to buy my own laptop instead of stealing

Everytime I open my eyes I will start to cry

Whenever I fall into deep depression like this

every time I wake up from sleep

I would forget about who am I and what happened for maybe 2-3 seconds

then all of these heavy emotions would come back

and then I’ll start to cry

God gave me a second chance

I know, you might be an atheist

I actually prayed to God that the thieves return my laptop

If they actually returned my laptop, I will try stop myself from hurting others

They really returned it.. they left it on my balcony

What’s creepy is my boyfriend helped me to leave a note at my balcony asking them to return my laptop

That means they came back and saw the note… holy shit

I wasn’t only upset about my laptop being stolen

I was also scared, like REALLY SCARED

because someone IS WATCHING ME

I have irregular working hour but I work on every Tuesday

They knew it so they picked Tuesday

It’s my fault I didn’t lock my balcony

My room was so messy

It felt so icky to touch my stuff

I didn’t even feel like sleeping in that room

I was so paranoid

Since then I would always check if I’ve locked the door right and everything

but the nightmares they were different this time

Now I keep getting the same nightmare

Same place, same people

The new nightmare was about people were trying to break in my house (back in my hometown)

I’m constantly guarding my home

I’m constantly in fear

I guess I never got over it

Maybe this is called “trauma”?

A lot of things happened in the house I rented

The people there weren’t nice

They accused me of making drama by “robbing” my own room because I got my laptop back and I didn’t tell them

What the fuck

I didn’t know who to trust so fuck you

You see, when you hurt someone it will leave scars like this

and they will never ever really fade

That’s why I’m angry with myself for hurting other people

because it might leave a scar on them too

My health got worse recently and I realised that I didn’t really want to die

I want to live and continue to achieve more positive goals in my life

I don’t have many friends

I don’t have good childhood memories

but I don’t want to die

I don’t want my haters to win

I want to live a life better than them

I want to do better and be a better person

I want to become an emotionally invunerable person

I want to win this game

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因为我还是我

那钢琴的旋律提醒我,就算这个路在难走,我还是我,必须继续走下去,因为我已经无法回头。

7年前的我写了这句话, 我震惊了 哈哈哈。黄明志的”我还是我“很有触感。

这首歌感觉很适合我现在的状况

我也是热爱创作,喜欢写歌,喜欢写词,写作文,画画

突然好想写一首自己的歌像那首我还是我

 

小时候,个人可能思维跟其他人不一样,很常被排斥

SHE很红的那个年代亲戚问我最喜欢谁,我毫不犹豫地说“Ella”。

那天,亲戚就一直嘲笑我、喜欢一个比较男子汉的女生

每次问我意见然后跟他们不一样的话会被嘲笑

后来慢慢地、我不再说心里的想法,别人问我喜欢SHE的谁我都会说“Hebe或者Selina”,并且买她们的merchandise

别人喜欢什么,我就逼自己去喜欢

小时候也是很常被排斥,或许是我自己态度问题,就一直很努力地包装自己,把自己的想法搞到很像跟他们很合那样

他们说要尊重长辈,我12岁那年长辈没尊重我,我就对他们不客气

他们问我为什么我不尊重长辈,我说“如果长辈不尊重我,我为什么要尊重他们”

就这样又被他们嘲笑

 

第一次交往的时候,男方要我做什么就做什么,我一直配合他

他不让我打dota,不让我cosplay,不让我跟他不是很喜欢的朋友们一起出去

but u know what? 江山易改本性难移

我会偷偷在他背后做这些

因为我还是我

 

18岁毕业了,我却没追求自己的梦

我真的很想往创作那一方面发展,可是我知道在马来西亚很难找吃

就取消了这个念头

自己去吉隆坡读大学,其实我从来都没有后悔过

因为我一个人的时候,可以做我自己

虽然在吉隆坡的两年过得很辛苦,很累

被误解,被排斥,被讨厌,被冤枉

也许这个是成长的过程,让我学习保护自己,找回了我自己

不要再做那个乖乖跟着人群的绵羊

 

20岁去澳洲读书这件事其实很突然

我只是随口问问罢了没想到转眼间就在澳洲毕业了 LOL

我原以为来澳洲读书会跟去吉隆坡读书一样

来这里比住在吉隆坡辛苦很多,很多东西都要靠自己

一开始来到这里见识这里的文化,其实我心里很害怕

一直对自己没信心,半年都交不到朋友,活在一个人的世界

我不看韩剧,不喝咖啡,很挑食不吃汉堡,跟别人没共同话题

其实也没必要刻意去交朋友,做好自己,知心的有几个就够了

在这里生活了2年我发现,其实我可以追求自己的梦想,可以做自己不在乎别人的眼光

为什么要因为我们人类的所谓的文化(就是做一份稳定的工作结婚生子那些)而放下自己的想走的路呢?

可是我现在无法回头回去创作那条路了 HAHAHA 除非我很有天分

 

我毕业后,我想了很多很多东西

我发现其实很多时候我们都是看到多数的人拥有的东西,自己会想要拥有

就是想要跟着潮流的意思 you follow the trend, but you forget what you really want

也许如果我不挑,我现在应该找到一份自己不喜欢的工作,在一个自己不喜欢的地方生活,就因为别人说怎样怎样比较好

我还是会继续打我的游戏,幻想自己憧憬的未来,爆粗口,偶尔写歌写词,偶尔画画,偶尔烘焙,做自己喜欢的事

因为我还是我

Comic Fiesta 2016

1 year ago..

I was kind of inspired by a Singaporean name 阿福 to learn how to play meepo.

He has the highest solo mmr in SEA at that time but his hero pool is limited to meepo only.

He can’t play other heroes or he will feed hahahaha

It was quite fun coz it’s like tab poof tab poof tab poof tab poof omgg

And meepo is quite popular in that patch

So I decided to add meepo in my cosplay plan and told the D2MC family about it

Initially I wanted to cosplay meepo myself coz I don’t think anyone will join me xD

But surprisingly Shaunie suggested to form a secret meepo squad for 2015’s Comic Fiesta.

She dragged Hui Min, Grace and Micho to cosplay together xD

That year the plan was cancelled because I won’t be back to Malaysia until early 2016.


Plans and drafts

I decided to continue the plan this year because I got an internship in Malaysia

I also found a white wig laying in my house (in Malaysia) xDD

But Desi joined us instead of Micho because she already had plans that year DX

Nvm no ultra big tetek cosplayer to steal the spotlight HAHAHA

I took my old meepo cosplay design and made some amendments so that the costume is not that hard to make

Initially it was like this, the right side one is final draft in 2015 (I lub pleated skirt/dress <3):

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But then after some edits and advises, it’s like this:

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Turns out damn cute lar >///<

I expect my group is like do their own stuffs lolol but no!

They are actually quite organised!!

Hui Min helped to draft the patterns of our costume and props!

She teach us what materials to use etc etc!!

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Other members also taught me how to make my props as well cuz it’s my first time making cosplay props lolol! (the templar assassin one damn cheat lar, its koko krunch box + paper + water colour haha, not really the real deal)

I actually wanted to make the skull keyblade too but my luggage is like can fit 35 cm only 😦

So I ended up making aghanim’s scepter coz it’s detachable hahaha

We ordered all of our stuffs in Taobao (ears, tails, hoodie, crop top, skirt, pumpkin shorts and furry animal legs <<this bobo didnt reach in time so we kaki ayam hahaha)


The making of Meebobo

It was quite rush making the costume and props when I was back to Sarawak on 1 December (cuz I can’t make it in KL) + I have work so not really much time to make it

 

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Using doge’s pedicure thingie to smooth the edgesss

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Scepter gem without bottom because haven’t bought LED light + keys for the back of mipo!

The freaking skulls bird is the most kacao 1! I made it thrice! Now gonna make the fourth time liao

Everyone hates the bird lolol most of us made it twice coz no idea how to get the round smooth shape

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Bird head base! Tried to use EVA foam to make and failed ;_;

After that I use my sis’ bra HAHAHA coz big enough LOLOL, failed and brain function a bit so I use the inside of a bowl to make the round shape

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My first bird head ugly af LOLOL

Second bird head still ugly lar but better a lot liao!!

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Spent lots of time acquiring the materials as well coz not sure where to get those stuffs also

Made the scepter with hard plastic cover for assignments LOLOL Googled the pattern for diamond origami

Not really nice if u look closer coz I didnt cut properly T_T

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Insert mini LED from Daiso for the effect!

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I purposely take 1 day unpaid leave just to rush all these stuffs coz really not enough time 😦

Spent like 2 weeks to do and coz keep remake or accidentally smudge the paint or something (coz u have to wait the paint to dry so wasted a lot of time on painting)

Didn’t have much sleep also 😦

Keep chiong my props once I came back home till 12am++ only take my dinner then sleep


Arriving KL on Friday

My cb Aussie bestie Carmen lied to me that she’ll pick me up at the airport.

She pakat with my bf so that my bf can give me surprise.

No wonder my bf keep calling me asking me where am I but my friend offline 1 hour already wtf

Motherfuckers.

But that night my bf also haz to go coz he got tournament at JB the next day T_T

Lonely night that day T^T


Comic Fiesta Preparation

Set alarm woke up at 9am because these few weeks not enough sleep!

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Proceed to makeup etc and attach some of my props but unfortunately, my scepter’s sides keep drop down

Even when the taxi arrived I have to tell him to give me a sec to fix my props

I was holding the scepter’s gem part so it wouldn’t fall apart if i knock it or something during the whole trip to PWTC

I reached PWTC around 12pm and dragging ma luggage along coz gonna sleep at different location that night

Went to toilet and change my clothes + wear my wig and then I sohai

I don’t want to go inside the toilet cubicle coz lazy to wait hahaha

I wore fnatic shirt which is loose enough for me to change my cloths inside

So I accidentally hit my bird skull then it fell on my freaking gem

so FCK my scepter’s side thingie patah

AFTER ALL THE HASSLE I TOOK JUST TO MAKE SURE IT DOESN’T BREAK ToT

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One second, its a GG liao!!

The moment I walk out from the toilet, unexpected thing happen..

People actually recognise me and said “Meepo! Meepo! Aghanim’s Scepter!”

Wow coz I think this set is a bit unique and not much people will own this meepo set

Didn’t expect people to recognise me even I’m not with my team!

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Photo by: Cheah Kwee-Onn

I told the photog my scepter wings patah hahaha

He damn smart xia he adjust my prop to the side so that it looks like side view of my scepter


Comic Fiesta Day 1

I meet up with the other meebobos inside the event hall

We decided to paint our toenails black coz our shoes didn’t arrive in time

It’s so cute watching meepos helping each other XDD

Hui Min sacrificed her leather fabric to make leg cuffs for us so our legs doesn’t look plain!

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Sorry guys if we rejected for photo that time because we were waiting for our nail polish to dry as we couldn’t really pose for photos

I wasn’t good with poses coz I completed my scepter on the day before I was going to fly to KL :((

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Sorry can’t remember who took this! Do pm me if you took this so that I can credit you!

Didn’t get much time to prepare for it

And usually I cosplay schoolgirls hahaha

I love our height! Coz we haz 2 shorties and 2 tallies so it’s kinda like balanced

We went to the props fixing station which is really nice because there’s so much tools to use!

Fixed my scepter and we proceed to the food court

So much people taking our pictures and someone even requested us to poof HAHA

We went to eat then ok my props start to poof again, went back to Pylox for fixing

Really sorry guys my scepter too fragile that I think most of our photos my scepter like one side got wings only ;_;

Anyway, I learnt a lesson that day

It was the first time me cosplaying with a big prop like scepter

Some people requested to hold my prop or touched my prop (without asking) when taking photos

NEVER EVER let anyone hold ur prop unless ur prop sturdy af

Seriously.

People swinging my scepter like a wrecking ball

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Please don’t peepur, protect ma prop, it’s damn fragile

Be gentle please and do not touch my prop unless I allow u to do so because the wings are so fragile that it might break anytime ;_;

After that Jam-sama help us shoot some photos behind Pylox

That area was like a road with trees at the side

I think Jam-sama did a great job coz even the background so ugly he also managed to shoot it like it’s very realistic ><

Thanks to Thomas the saikang-sama for helping us to hold our stuffs and communicate with Jam (coz I’m quite shy with new ppl ><)

Met Dec Dec the pinoy tinker cosplayer there! Was so surprised that he’s really friendly

Again, I’m too shy to talk more lolol sorry Dec-sama

We had some amazing indoor shootings and did the mannequin challenge hahaha

Looking forward to our photos!!

I’m really grateful for every meebobos’ teamwork and cooperation!!

Without u guys, our meebobo surprise cosplan wouldn’t happen

Although we didn’t get to shop at the booth, it was a great day for me!!

It’s the best cosplay group I’ve ever had. Seriously. Best af.


Comic Fiesta Day 2

I gay with my bestie, Tamao on day 2.

We cosplayed Emilia from Re:Zero together!

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Photo from Eric Yeoh

I was so sick on Day 2 I don’t know why

Probably because I’m very hungry and lack of sleep for few days

I sneezed, which is a disaster for my makeup ugh

Tamao lent me her Emilia cape because I don’t have braids ><

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Photo by Tenkawa Akito

We got stopped by tons of people LOLOL

which I feel very shiok la HAHAHA

like 24/7 surrounded by people taking photos of us

We end up didn’t make it to the booth area because it was closing by the time we reach there

so I actually never visited the booth area for 2 days

At the end of the day I called GrabCar when I think it is time for my flight

Thanks to Thomas and Shaunie for taking care of me and sorry I took off my “stuffs” in front of you guys HAHAHA coz I didn’t wanna look weird


After event

I’m sorry to those people who got rejected by me when they ask for photos :((

Was very rush to the airport

I almost miss my flight due to the jam D:

Thank God I arrived just on time man

And I really appreciate Shaunie for letting me to sleep next to her XD

and Thomas for sending us to the venue

I guess that’s all lolol byes *goes to Dota*

Major All Stars

11002625_534088963399599_401472689013256186_nMajor All Stars (MAS) was held on 20th March 2015 – 22nd March 2015. It is the largest DotA 2 tournament in Malaysia!!


Pre-Pre-MAS

At first my friend asked me if I attended MAS or not, I said no because the ticket is too pricey for me 😦

BUT… ONE DAY I OPEN MY FACEBOOK… BABYOLING ASKED ME IF I WANNA WORK THERE AS COSPLAYER!!!

Wow and of course I said YES! Since the salary covers the costume costs etc (at first I rejected because I’ve cancelled my plans to cosplay as DotA 2 characters many times due to financial constraint).

So I joined a cosplay organization called DotA 2 Malaysia Circle (Please like their page!!)

AND WHEN THEY ANNOUNCED INVICTUS GAMING WAS INVITED TO THE EVENT, WA I’M FKING EXCITED!!!

I’m an iG fan, but more like a iG.Ferrari_430 fan ❤


Pre-MAS

So I was having hard time finding a tailor to make my costume (since I can’t make costumes on my own coz lack of equipment)

and there’s no props maker that are willing to help me to make my props 😥

I wanted to order my costume on Taobao but I don’t think it’ll reach in time coz I was “hired” as a cosplayer around 1st March so my time is very limited.

Luckily I found one tailor (my friend introduced her to me) from my hometown Sarawak! I’m also having hard time to find ready stock wig 😦

I DONT KNOW WHY!! THEY HAVE ALL COLOURS BUT NOT PURPLE!!!

But heh, lucky me, I found the right wig but the price is quite… expensive :/

Nevermind lah, can see 430 ok d hahahahaha. Somemore my salary quite high can cover it 🙂

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I used Koko Krunch box, coloured papers and watercolour to make my props~

I bought some hologram tape from Daiso to make the diamonds LOL.

Since I don’t know where to find these stuff 😥

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I used cotton swab and plaster to make these elf ears~


Pre-MAS Peak

SO HERE’S THE GAN JEONG PART!!!

My tailor was unable to post my costume on 17th March so she delayed till 18th March.

Actually, she wanted to post it on 19th March so that she can complete the whole costume.

But then I told her just do it anyhow, and if cannot finish, just post the fabric coz no time le :((

Then the whole night I’m very gan jeong about my costume…

I’m scared I cannot get my costume in time 😥 I’m scared PosLaju delay it (since the parcel is from Sarawak)

Then on the 19th March, 8am, I go check my parcel status coz I wanna go to the PosLaju office to collect my parcel.

But they didn’t update, the parcel reached the Batu Cave branch so I waited for the postmen to come.

WAH LUCKILY THE POSTMEN CAME AROUND 11am-12pm!! BUT!!! When I opened my parcel…

The tailor only complete the top and the pants 😥

Somemore the pants’ pattern also not yet done… I ended up sticking everything with plaster and fabric glueeeee.

I stayed overnight at Snowbunnie’s (Steph) house and continued to rush my accessories there UNTIL 2AM MAN…


MAS DAY 1

I woke up at 6.30am to put on makeup + wear my costume and stuff.DSC_0917

Well, I was supposed to reach Stadium Malawati at 10.30am for briefing but I was late for like 5 minutes lel.

Luckily, I met Hasif when I reached the entrance of the stadium.

He guided me to the cosplayers’ changing room (BILIK 6 OKAY).

It was my first time meeting these DotA 2 cosplayers AND THE LANAYA COSPLAYER SAW ME AND SHE WAS LIKE “WAAA U COSPLAY LANAYA ALSO!!”.

WA actually I’m quite shocked man, coz usually the cosplayers who cosplayed same character as me will be like, “OMG SHE FUCKING COSPLAY THE SAME CHARACTER AS ME, FUCKING, SAME, CHARACTER!”.

And somemore, they ignore me when I try to talk to them 😥

She help me to pin my stuffs and tie my braids ❤

WAH SIBEH SWEET U KNOW. LIKE I’VE NEVER MET SUCH A FRIENDLY COSPLAYER IN MY WHOLE LIFE 😀

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All of the cosplayers are so friendly. FRIENDLY.

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I’m so touched man.

Credits: Micho Teh

Credits: Micho Teh

With ze Lina!

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No one actually briefed us on that day :/

To be honest, Day 1 was badly organized

It seems like no one cared about us so we just roam around according to our schedule

and the stadium is super hot!!

We camped around the aircond hahahaha.

But there was some technical problem (steph’s fault lar, the day before MAS she said technical issues might occur).

So the event was postponed to Day 2.

Actually I kept passing by Dendi but had no chance to take photos with him coz the technical problem occurred when he was having a match with Invasion so I’m scared he had no mood liao + I’m very scared to be rejected 😦

And I saw iG walk pass ❤ ❤ ❤ but they were on their way back to hotel.

Adam asked me to look for him in Day 2, he’ll try to help me to take pics with 430 😀

To be honest, I’m quite happy lor when the event postponed coz I’m too tired 😥

Steph and I took a picture with Team NiP before we left 🙂

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Credits: snowbunnie

DAT GUY TOUCHED MY SWEATY BACK LOLOLOL

Steph lost her phone that day but luckily a couple of good Samaritans pick it up and hand it over to the organizer

Faith in humanity restored
Gag of the Day

I took a picture with Steph’s fan and suddenly I felt my mask is super smelly

So I told Steph my mask is very smelly and I have to wear it for another 2 days

STEPH SAID NOT MY MASK SMELLY, SOMEONE FARTED.

That toxic smell is so strong that it penetrated my thick mask…

AND SAM COMPLAINED MY SOCKS VERY SMELLY!!!

He has been making the socks joke for 3 days continuously…

And they said I’m using Pudge’s rot. fuck u guys!

So that’s all for Day 1.


MAS Day 2

As usual wake up early in the morning get ready my shitz and off to go. DSC_0921[1]

Yeah… I know my makeup is not really good on Day 2 :/ Should have applied thicker eyeliner

I look like an Asian TA LOLOL

So I set my alarm at 6.30am and when it rang, I didn’t realize. I was sleeping like a dead person LOL.

THEN MY ALARM WOKE SAM UP HAHAHAH. IT RANG FOR SO LONG LOOOOOOOOOOOL. LIKE LOOPED THE MUSIC 3-4 TIMES THEN I ONLY WAKE UP AND OFF IT.

I kept pressing snooze on my alarm then end up late for work but not really late lar.

Work on 11am-12pm something but was supposed to meet them at 10.30am.

They changed our changing room’ from Bilik 6 (this room become the player’s room) to the dining area.

I’m okay with it, coz in Bilik 6, it was very hot and the dining area is quite cool.

So we take photos with customers as usual but according to the new schedule.

I managed to get Rave and Empire’s signature 😛 I asked them to sign on my back.

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As soon as I enter the hall, the first thing I saw is 430’s face on the screen!!!

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They were playing against NiP

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430’s storm spirit is sooooo strong ^^’

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After game. They spelled 430’s real name wrongly 😦 It should be Luo Fei Chi

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Watching him from afar 😀 Can you find 430?

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iG won the game 😀

When BurNing walked down from the stage, everyone asked to take pic with him but when it’s my turn to take pic with him…

DAT CREW PULL HIM AWAY. TWICE.

FOCKING TWICE.

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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

And many of my friends took pic with 430 WHY NOT ME!!!!

I feel like crying that day 😥

I didn’t find Adam that day 😦

I’m really afraid of losing this chance 😦

I fucking jelly those people who had the chance to take picture with 430!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I told them “fuck you” everytime they show me their pic with 430 👿 (i’m not mad, just jelly hahaha)

I EVEN PINKY PROMISED WITH CHALKY THAT WE’LL LOOK FOR ADAM AND IG IN THE PLAYERS ROOM ON DAY 3 LOL


MAS Day 3

Day 3 was a blast!

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I was supposed to eat Bak Kut Teh at Klang with KayKay

but I didn’t want to because by the time i finish my makeup etc, it’s already very late 😡

Steph told me Kaykay bought me this~ Water chestnut 马蹄糕 😀 I LOVE IT!

BUT KK, SAID IT WAS FOR STEPH… FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU

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Zyori (caster) is a friendly guy! I spotted him at the Secret Shop area and selfied with him hahaha

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after that everyone surround Zyori for picture but he didn’t mind it 🙂

There’s one photographer asked me to do a pose that TA usually does I told them I don’t know how to do it 😦

Coz I didn’t go and practice the pose in front of the mirror

Everyone was shocked LOL I’m sorry ok 😥 If I didn’t practice it, I’m afraid it might look weird

After that I queued for NaVi’s signature with Steph and Chalky for like 1 hour?

But fuck it, dem cosplayers found Dendi at the dining area I wanna rush back to the dining area but scared it was too late 😦

It’s so disappointing that they only allow us to take ONE NaVi player’s signature

And somemore, the guards chose the player for u :/

I’m a very lucky person hahaha

The guards didn’t even care about me so I walk towards Dendi and ask him to sign on my mask!

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Some bobos spread rumors around that Dendi signed on my breast 😕

I watched a match between iG and Empire in the hall

Chalky and I fangirling all the way hahaha (Chalky likes BurNing!!)

We shouted IG!!!!!!!!!!!!! behind Empire’s manager

We didn’t know that guy was Empire’s manager until Steph told us

LOL HE LOOKED AT US HAHAHAHA

NVM IDGAF 430 FANGIRL 4 EVA 😀

After that, I headed back to the dining area for lunch

I asked Adam for his number so that he can contact me when iG is available for pichas

I was telling my cosplay friends how much I wanted to take a picture with 430

THEN, MIRACLE HAPPENED!

iG came in to the dining area

OMFG I asked Eden if we can take their signatures coz I’m too shy haha

Eden said after they finish their food

I’m so excited that I jump around nervously

I can’t even finish my food coz I’m too happy le

After that Adam also came in the dining area and told me to wait for them to finish their food

After they finish their food, they all run faster than a Ferrari wtf

I manage to get BurNing’s signature on my mask hahahaha

And took a selfie with him

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BUT NOOOOOOOOOOO MY 430 RAN AWAYYYY

STEPH CAUGHT HIM HAHAHA

Then Summer ask me go outside to get 430’s siggie

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG I ASK HIM TO SIGN ON MY MASK ALSO AND HE KEPT LAUGHING

Credits: Hui Min

Credits: Hui Min the TA

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I told him “我真的很喜欢你!!!!(I really like you!!!)” THEN STEPH SAID “她在台下叫你老公 (She calls you hubby)“

OH MY GOD!!!! HAHAAHHAAHA

THEN 430 KEPT LAUGH LOR

THEN I ASK HIM TO TAKE PICTURE WITH ME. HE FUCKING SMILED

SMILED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG OMG OMG I WAS HOPING THAT HE WOULD SMILE WHEN SELFIE WITH ME

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IT WAS LIKE A DREAM CAME TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WA AFTER THAT I CRIED MAN. I FOCKIN CRIED.

FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I CRIED BECAUSE OF JOY

I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT YOU KNOW 😥

After that, I quickly change my phone’s wallpaper and lock screen wallpaper to this picture hahahahhaah

I wanted to change my profile picture to this picture too but the signal there is too bad :/

Fuck. I don’t care if anyone is disgusted by my fangirlness

I didn’t feel sad that I didn’t get to selfie with Dendi hehehehehe

BEST DAY EVER IN MY WHOLE LIFE


MAS Day 3 Final

Thomas told us (cosplayers) that we have to get up on the stage during the prize giving ceremony

SO I WAS SO EXCITED!!! IG WILL WIN FOR SURE PUHLEASE

After that Thomas said MAYBE <<< D:<

I spotted iG’s manager at Logitech lounge before the final starts 🙂

Chalky and I asked him for a picture shyly hehehhe

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He is a very friendly and nice person!!

AND HE IS SO CLOSE TO ME!!! HIS HEAD AND SHOULDER TOUCHED ME LOLOLOL

WA ACTUALLY IM QUITE SHOCK HAHAH COZ NOT USED TO BE PHYSICALLY SO CLOSE WITH AN ASIAN GUY

(what I meant was someone i meet for the first time)

Last time he commented on a portrait of 430 drawn by me on Facebook

He said he will show it to 430 hehehe

So I told him I drew that portrait

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He told me he will let 430 know I drew it XD

Ok I know it’s not so nice hahahaha

I drew it for fun only

During the final match, every time Empire tries to gank 430, 430 owned them all

I said “fuck you guys, don’t kacao my husband” LOLOLOL

No offense to Empire ok, I like Empire too I used to bet my stuffs on Empire and they won those matches ❤

In the end, iG won the tournament!!!

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When 430 look at my direction, I waved at him LOLOLOL

FANGIRL MODE ON NOW

HE SMILE AND TURN HIS HEAD AWAY HAHAHAHA

Before the event ends, Steph and I took pic with GoDz, Zyori and WinteR

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Credit: snowbunnie

took autographs from them!! DSC_0986

sefie with some friends 😀

Credits: Michelle Low

Credits: Michelle Low

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Credits: Mineski.Iceyz

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with Babyoling!!

So sad Steph cannot go to the after party 😥

I really wanna go!!!

But it’s okay I already got what I want 😀


Post-MAS

I MISS 430 A LOT!!!! I KEPT LOOKING AT MY LOCK SCREEN WALLPAPER!!

AND I DID THIS WHEN I TOOK PICS WITH MY CLASSMATES LOL

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I KEPT SHOWING THEM THAT PICTURE LOOLOLOLOL

I’M TOO FUCKING HAPPY!!!!

After MAS, I feel more sleepier and when I wake up, I got a headache :/

Didn’t get enough sleep for 4 days 😥

I regret for not noticing this organization earlier 😦

So sad that MAS might be the last time for me to cosplay with them DDDD:

Coz I’m going to study at overseas….

AND ALSO, if you know me for quite some time, you’ll know that I have some loyal “fans”

I made a rage comic specially dedicated for my loyal fans 😈 ❤ ❤ ragecomic


Shoutout

Special shoutout to Babyoling, Sam Lo0o, Snowbunnie, Chalky, Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  Adam  from csW, Said, D2MC, all MAS crew, all the people who took pictures with me and all the people who left positive comments on my fb!!!

Zalora Malaysia Review

Hello guys! I have something good to share with you all here!

I have a 15% discount voucher code which is for FIRST TIME CUSTOMER only @ www.zalora.com.my

Voucher Code: ZBAPQ2L3

If you doubt Zalora is legit and trustable, you can choose “Cash on Delivery”.

It is safer to do so because I had used CoD when I first purchase from Zalora

But the downside of CoD is you have to prepare the exact amount of money


Quick Review

  • Product Quality: ❤❤❤❤♡

I bought a pair of sandals and I ordered them at the size I usually wear (38 EU)

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When I received it, I find it a size bigger than my leg :((

  • Price: ❤❤❤❤♡

Their stuffs are super cheap during special sales event!

Before sales event:

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During sales event:

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Same item super different price!!

I bought my Olay Regenerist Specialty Cleanser Device at RM 54.95(Normally it costs RM100++)!!

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BUT! Some of their stuffs are quite pricey because they are big brands D:

  • Efficiency: ❤❤❤❤❤

SUPER EFFICIENT! I remember I placed my first order on Monday midnight (around 3-4am)

My order was confirmed and shipped in the afternoon!

I got my sandals on the next day!

  • Packaging: ❤❤❤❤❤

Usually they put my stuffs in a box (slightly bigger than shoe box) regardless of how small the stuffs I order

The parcel that contains my Olay Regenerist Specialty Cleanser Device had many air bags inside!

They also provide shipping bag and Poslaju deliver form inside your parcel

And yes, you MUST use Poslaju to return your item

  • Customer Service: ❤❤❤❤♡

You can’t call Zalora’s customer service number because their staffs are forever not available

But you can email them customer@zalora.com.my or message their Facebook

They’ll reply you faster via Facebook than email

However, if you don’t have a Facebook account, don’t worry!

They’ll reply your email within 48 hours

  • Delivery: ❤❤❤♡♡

They use GDEX (courier service)

It is better to use CoD because the postman will call you before they deliver your item

Sometimes they might delay the delivery :/

Like Zalora’s customer service number, you can’t call GDEX customer service number too

You have to call the BRANCH customer service number

You can find their branch customer service number or even the branch manager’s number here

Select Network > State > Branch Area

If they don’t pick up your call, you have to spam as much calls as you can because they lack of manpower (that’s what occurred they told me when I went to their office)!


Return

I have returned my stuffs for refund and exchange multiple times.

To return the item back to Zalora, you have to fill up the form in the invoice, put the item(s) and the form inside the original shipping package and seal it

Head to the nearest PosLaju office, give them the parcel and the PosLaju deliver form, that’s it.

Returning the item is FOC and hassle free (at least to me haha).

Keep in mind that they will not refund you CASH but they’ll refund you in the form of store credit instead.


You may wonder how did I get this voucher code

Well, I’m currently a brand ambassador of Zalora Malaysia!

I became their ambassador through their Brand Ambassador Program!

Anyone can become Zalora’s brand ambassador as long you receive an email 😀

So if you use that voucher code, I’ll get commission based on how much you spent

And that’s a win-win situation! ^_^

That’s all for today!

Hope you enjoy shopping @ Zalora with the discount voucher code I’ve provided above!!

A Letter to My Pet Dog

Chiyu-chan

Dear Chiyu-chan,

Do you remember?

When you first arrived at our home, you kept climb to our neighbour’s house

Before you arrived to our home, I asked my dad to buy you a collar

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Before you arrived to our home, my dad spent his holiday on building your house

But unfortunately, due to insufficient resource, he had to stop building it 😦

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Do you remember?

I was doing my homework when I was in primary school that time

I heard your barking sound and I looked outside but you’re not there

Then I took a nap on the floor

When I woke up, I saw u sleeping beside me

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You always wag your bushy tail strongly against the gate and the car that it makes loud noises.

You hate to bath but I must force you to 😦

You always go crazy after bath!

You pay full attention and very obedient when there is treat

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Everything you did is so cute if you didn’t realize

But my parents seems to dislike you /_\

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I’ve always wanted to protect you from harm

That’s why I disallow you to go outside

Well, I used to own 2 dogs

One died because of illness, one died because of car accident

I don’t want to lose you…

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Every morning I would look forward to pet you

See you wagging your tail furiously

Play with you

Give you my food if I hate them HAHAHA

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You were so excited when dad brought back some puppies

But you get jealous after the puppies got all the attention

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You’re such a gentle dog

You’ve been trying to befriend with those cats but they were afraid of you

You let this fat cat eat your food

You never hurt her

Both of you stared at me when I was eating my food

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You fight with other dogs and get injured, I cried

You didn’t come back home for weeks, I cried

I remember I cried until my face bloated and my eyes and lips are swollen

I miss you so much…

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Do you remember?

When I ran away from home, you followed me

You overcome your fear of traffic

We sat on dad’s motorcycle back home together

I actually felt touched

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But… I’m just a bad owner…

I’m sorry that I hurt you when you’re not obedient.

I’m sorry that I forced you to do many things such as taking this picture:

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I’m sorry for neglecting you, i.e. not taking you for a walk

I’m sorry for being helpless when you have health issues

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I’m sorry for leaving you

I’m sorry for letting you sleep on the cold icy floor

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However… You never stop loving me…

Thank you for being a good companion

Thank you for being a good guard dog

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Every time when someone visits our home, you would bark at them

Until one of the family member greeted that person

You would stop barking and welcome that person too

Thank you for your perpetual unconditional love

Thank you for making my days brighter

Thank you for greeting me when I’m back home

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I tried to make up things

I tried to make a change

Although it’s too late

I tried to give you the best of me

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I hope you like the new toy I bought for you

I hope you like the new bowl I bought for you

I hope you like the treats I bought for you

I hope you like the DIY bed I bought and made for you

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I love you

 

Videos of Chiyu:

http://www.meipai.com/media/124038454

World Mission Society Church of God is a cult

The red words are the characteristics of the cult. This story is 100% true and geniune, no persevatives or food colourings added.

Last month around 11th October 2014, while I was on my way back home from tapao (take-away) food, a Korean man (around 30+) and a young girl (around 20+ her name is Giselle) approached me and asked me to do a quick survey for them. The survery content is mostly about the passover (they believe that by keeping the passover, we can be salvaged) and God, the mother (they claimed God, the mother exists). We had some religious conversation and they keep on emphasizing that their church is the only true church. Since I have little knowledge even though I’m a Christian, I blindly believe everything they told me. They told me that if you don’t believe in God, the mother, then you don’t believe in God. However, I felt their words are quite contradicting and I have a lot of questions pop out in my mind and I have a feeling that they would evade my questions if I ask them. So I didn’t ask them anything. They asked me if I want to be baptised in their church and it is just a 5 minutes ceremony. Since the church is near to where I stay, I agreed

We walked to the church, it was located at a shophouse. The baptism ceremony took place at third floor if I’m not mistaken. Some traditional Korea-like cloth was prepared for the ceremony (for me to wear). During the ceremony, I can’t understand what does the pastor (the Korean man) said because he was speaking in Korean language. He did said some English words but it was like “bless this person” something like that and he kept mention “Jehovah” and it sounds like Jehovah is God. The pastor pour warm water on my head. After that Giselle and a tall dark guy along with the pastor said “We love you! We love you!” (got action somemore). Then I was required to change my clothes and wear a veil. The pastor prepared a glass of grape juice and a piece of “bread”. The bread is like flour + water, it has round shape. The bread is Jesus’ flesh and the wine is Jesus’ blood. We drank the wine and ate the bread. My personal details were then recorded in the “book of life” and I took a photo with Giselle (the pastor requested). The pastor told me you are able to go to the kingdom of heaven if your name is recorded in the “book of life” and their book of life is true.

After that Giselle took me to their worship hall (second floor) and played me some videos about their church. The videos are mostly about Korea (they said it is a holy place bla bla), God, the mother and the people in the videos seems like being brainwashed. I saw a middle-aged women kept appearing in the middle of group photos (during the slideshows) but I did not question about it as I thought she is the head of the church or something. Giselle told me when we worship God, we should wear a veil. After few hours of watching those boring videos, I told Giselle that I need to get back home because my boyfriend would be worried if I didn’t get back home by that time. Giselle then asked an Indian girl to escort me back home. Let’s call this Indian girl “IG”. Oh and before that, the pastor asked Giselle to stay at the hall until she is allowed to come out because there was a drunk man (most probably is the church member) looking for her and they were dealing with this man. Giselle asked me if I have time to hang out together on other day and so we agreed to meet each other on the next day during lunch time. She kept asked me to pinky promise with her as if I would run away. She did invite me to celebrate some festivals at the church and she said that we must celebrate the same festivals as the festivals celebrated in heaven but I rejected, I lied her that I have class that day. The indian girl then escort me back home. She has a degree or diploma (not sure) in psychology and she is currently unemployed. We didn’t have much conversation tho because I don’t really like to talk. We met some aunties (church members) on the way back home and they seem very friendly and happy. They greet me and congratulate me for being baptised. However, I felt it was very fake and I act like I’m happy like them even though I don’t feel like smiling. I just felt something is so wrong and I don’t belong to here. I seek some advice from one of my Christian friends but he told me it was just the devil’s work preventing me from going to the church. So I thought I think too much.

On the next day, I met Giselle at a coffee shop and I had my lunch there. She introduced me a girl from the church and the girl is my schoolmate (she never told me she is going to bring someone to meet me). Since I don’t remember her name, lets call her F (because she took finance course). F kept forcing her smile and she smiles awkwardly all the time. Giselle said they came to accompany me for lunch (they already had their lunch) but after I finish my lunch, she asked me if we could have bible study together. I didn’t know how to reject her (I’m a soft-hearted person in reality) so I agreed and she said that I’m obedient because I listen to her. I lied to Giselle that I have to take care of my boyfriend’s shop after 15 minutes coz he has something urgent to do. So she promise me she would make it fast. F is the one who taught me about the bible. She told me we used to be angels and because we sinned, therefore we became humans. In order to go to kingdom of heaven, we have to study our past lives (bible). She took 1 hour to brainwash me about the angel stuff then she only let me go. Before I leave, they asked me when do I have time to study bible with them again. I find a lot of excuses to reject them but they kept asking questions me like “what time do you finish your class on Tuesday?”. So we agreed to meet on 14 October 2014 after class. However, I went home straight after class. Giselle called me several times but I didn’t pick up because my phone battery was dead.

Since that day, Giselle only SMSed me once (she asked me if I have went to slept or not) then she never find me anymore. I thought my nightmare was over because I actually felt reluctant to meet them but then I felt guilty at the same time (because I baptised in their church then wanna run away liao). One day, I met the IG at the lobby of my condominium. She asked for my address so I gave her the exact address (it is recorded in the “book of life“). I took a nap as soon as I reached home because I was too exhausted (plus period D:) then suddenly the door bell rang. I opened the door and it was Giselle and F. They bought me food and drink because they know I have low blood sugar. They wanted me to let them in for “bible study” but I rejected them. I look tired at that time so they asked me if I’m sick, so I said yes and they left. Before that, Giselle said “you wouldn’t move out right?”, as if I would try to avoid them by moving out. I guess she knows that I’m trying to avoid her. Since that day, they often came to my unit UNINFORMED. I would cough up some excuses to reject them. It was so rude and intrusive! I felt that I no longer have privacy.

They actually came to my unit yesterday. After they left, I decided to confront them because I felt that I cannot hide from them forever. But before that, I searched on the Internet about this church because I wanted to find out what kind of church is this (like catholic, protestant etc). It turns out the church worships a Korean guy (the founder) Ahnsahnghong (I’m sure I heard this name during the baptism ceremony). It believes that Ahnsahnghong is the second Jesus and God, the mother is Ahnsahnghong’s wife. Ahnsahnghong’s wife is the women who sits/stands in the middle in most of the group photos. They are Jehovah’s witness (that’s why the pastor kept mention the word “Jehovah”)! OMFG. I just realized I’m in deep shit! I was baptised in the name of this Korean guy… I felt so disgusting and ashamed. They use the book of life to keep my personal details (recorded in the database at HQ in Korea). I decided to confront Giselle by SMSing her. I asked her not to find me anymore because I felt annoyed and I hope she would go away. I realized I’m not the only one who had experienced these, there are more people experiencing worse situation than mine out there all over the world. I decided to post it on FB and apparently some of my friends have been approached by these people but they immediately reject them.

I’m so stupid that I should do some research before I do something. At the same time, I feel lucky to find out the truth. WMSCOG is a bullshit. They never told me they are worshipping that dead Korean man before they baptise me. NOT EVEN ONCE. I hope they would stop bothering me after this 😦

Moral of the story: Do research first before committing, never trust anyone easily.

You can read more stories about them here:

http://encountering-ahnsahnghong.blogspot.com/2011/07/leaving-world-mission-society-church-of.html

http://thethreewisemonkeys.com/2012/09/25/cultbusting-korea-world-mission-society-church-of-god/

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100220161831AAvaDEj

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_Mission_Society_Church_of_God

http://www.examiningthewmscog.com/archives/whats-more-important-your-mother-or-god-a-former-members-story/