因为我还是我

那钢琴的旋律提醒我,就算这个路在难走,我还是我,必须继续走下去,因为我已经无法回头。

7年前的我写了这句话, 我震惊了 哈哈哈。黄明志的”我还是我“很有触感。

这首歌感觉很适合我现在的状况

我也是热爱创作,喜欢写歌,喜欢写词,写作文,画画

突然好想写一首自己的歌像那首我还是我

 

小时候,个人可能思维跟其他人不一样,很常被排斥

SHE很红的那个年代亲戚问我最喜欢谁,我毫不犹豫地说“Ella”。

那天,亲戚就一直嘲笑我、喜欢一个比较男子汉的女生

每次问我意见然后跟他们不一样的话会被嘲笑

后来慢慢地、我不再说心里的想法,别人问我喜欢SHE的谁我都会说“Hebe或者Selina”,并且买她们的merchandise

别人喜欢什么,我就逼自己去喜欢

小时候也是很常被排斥,或许是我自己态度问题,就一直很努力地包装自己,把自己的想法搞到很像跟他们很合那样

他们说要尊重长辈,我12岁那年长辈没尊重我,我就对他们不客气

他们问我为什么我不尊重长辈,我说“如果长辈不尊重我,我为什么要尊重他们”

就这样又被他们嘲笑

 

第一次交往的时候,男方要我做什么就做什么,我一直配合他

他不让我打dota,不让我cosplay,不让我跟他不是很喜欢的朋友们一起出去

but u know what? 江山易改本性难移

我会偷偷在他背后做这些

因为我还是我

 

18岁毕业了,我却没追求自己的梦

我真的很想往创作那一方面发展,可是我知道在马来西亚很难找吃

就取消了这个念头

自己去吉隆坡读大学,其实我从来都没有后悔过

因为我一个人的时候,可以做我自己

虽然在吉隆坡的两年过得很辛苦,很累

被误解,被排斥,被讨厌,被冤枉

也许这个是成长的过程,让我学习保护自己,找回了我自己

不要再做那个乖乖跟着人群的绵羊

 

20岁去澳洲读书这件事其实很突然

我只是随口问问罢了没想到转眼间就在澳洲毕业了 LOL

我原以为来澳洲读书会跟去吉隆坡读书一样

来这里比住在吉隆坡辛苦很多,很多东西都要靠自己

一开始来到这里见识这里的文化,其实我心里很害怕

一直对自己没信心,半年都交不到朋友,活在一个人的世界

我不看韩剧,不喝咖啡,很挑食不吃汉堡,跟别人没共同话题

其实也没必要刻意去交朋友,做好自己,知心的有几个就够了

在这里生活了2年我发现,其实我可以追求自己的梦想,可以做自己不在乎别人的眼光

为什么要因为我们人类的所谓的文化(就是做一份稳定的工作结婚生子那些)而放下自己的想走的路呢?

可是我现在无法回头回去创作那条路了 HAHAHA 除非我很有天分

 

我毕业后,我想了很多很多东西

我发现其实很多时候我们都是看到多数的人拥有的东西,自己会想要拥有

就是想要跟着潮流的意思 you follow the trend, but you forget what you really want

也许如果我不挑,我现在应该找到一份自己不喜欢的工作,在一个自己不喜欢的地方生活,就因为别人说怎样怎样比较好

我还是会继续打我的游戏,幻想自己憧憬的未来,爆粗口,偶尔写歌写词,偶尔画画,偶尔烘焙,做自己喜欢的事

因为我还是我

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A Letter to My Pet Dog

Chiyu-chan

Dear Chiyu-chan,

Do you remember?

When you first arrived at our home, you kept climb to our neighbour’s house

Before you arrived to our home, I asked my dad to buy you a collar

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Before you arrived to our home, my dad spent his holiday on building your house

But unfortunately, due to insufficient resource, he had to stop building it 😦

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Do you remember?

I was doing my homework when I was in primary school that time

I heard your barking sound and I looked outside but you’re not there

Then I took a nap on the floor

When I woke up, I saw u sleeping beside me

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You always wag your bushy tail strongly against the gate and the car that it makes loud noises.

You hate to bath but I must force you to 😦

You always go crazy after bath!

You pay full attention and very obedient when there is treat

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Everything you did is so cute if you didn’t realize

But my parents seems to dislike you /_\

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I’ve always wanted to protect you from harm

That’s why I disallow you to go outside

Well, I used to own 2 dogs

One died because of illness, one died because of car accident

I don’t want to lose you…

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Every morning I would look forward to pet you

See you wagging your tail furiously

Play with you

Give you my food if I hate them HAHAHA

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You were so excited when dad brought back some puppies

But you get jealous after the puppies got all the attention

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You’re such a gentle dog

You’ve been trying to befriend with those cats but they were afraid of you

You let this fat cat eat your food

You never hurt her

Both of you stared at me when I was eating my food

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You fight with other dogs and get injured, I cried

You didn’t come back home for weeks, I cried

I remember I cried until my face bloated and my eyes and lips are swollen

I miss you so much…

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Do you remember?

When I ran away from home, you followed me

You overcome your fear of traffic

We sat on dad’s motorcycle back home together

I actually felt touched

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But… I’m just a bad owner…

I’m sorry that I hurt you when you’re not obedient.

I’m sorry that I forced you to do many things such as taking this picture:

bBKzPcN

I’m sorry for neglecting you, i.e. not taking you for a walk

I’m sorry for being helpless when you have health issues

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I’m sorry for leaving you

I’m sorry for letting you sleep on the cold icy floor

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However… You never stop loving me…

Thank you for being a good companion

Thank you for being a good guard dog

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Every time when someone visits our home, you would bark at them

Until one of the family member greeted that person

You would stop barking and welcome that person too

Thank you for your perpetual unconditional love

Thank you for making my days brighter

Thank you for greeting me when I’m back home

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I tried to make up things

I tried to make a change

Although it’s too late

I tried to give you the best of me

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I hope you like the new toy I bought for you

I hope you like the new bowl I bought for you

I hope you like the treats I bought for you

I hope you like the DIY bed I bought and made for you

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I love you

 

Videos of Chiyu:

http://www.meipai.com/media/124038454

Reminiscing

Today I chatted about my old blogs (not this one) with my friends, Stephanie.

As I read through my blog posts, I realized I’m a weirdo and there are 2 words kept popping out in my posts —— alone, single.

But it’s true that until now I still use the word “alone” to describe my life.

I once wrote a very silly and cute post and I would like to share it here!

Legendary of the Lebbit’s Name>> Rabbit -> Labbit -> Lebbit

“Rabbit! Rabbit! Big ear Rabbit is coming!”said a Rabbit. After the other rabbit heard that Rabbit’s red alert saying that the Big Ear Rabbit is coming, they all run away. Here comes a Big Ear Rabbit. Big Ear Rabbit have a Big Shiny Ears and it even glows. Big Ear Rabbit is always a lonely rabbit in Kuching,Sarawak, Malaysia. On 24th December (unknown year), that is Christmas Eve, Santa sneaked in Big Ear Rabbit’s house and Big Ear Rabbit was sleeping. He waked up Big Ear Rabbit and said “Ho! Ho! Ho! Big Ear Rabbit! You had a shiny big ear! Could you guide my sleigh tonight?!”. Big Ear Rabbit was shocked and replied “Eh? Your Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer neh?”. Santa replied “Oh! Ho! Ho! Ho! Rudolf had already expired and now is your turn to guild my sleigh!”. Big Ear Rabbit said “Ho! Ho! Ho! Your head. You’re singing Horlicks’ song? Okay, I’ll guide your sleigh tonight “. Santa said “Oh Big Ear Rabbit, your name is too long, can I call you Rabbit?” Big Ear Rabbit replied “No!!! It’s too simple! Since Kuching people pronounce Rabbit as Labbit, what about name me Labbit?” Santa quickly replied “No! Labbit sounds like “Labi-Labi” (Spider in Malaysian Language)! Why don’t we change it to Lebbit?” Big Ear Rabbit jumped happily and said excitedly “Sure! Sure!”. And this is how Lebbit got her name =3

Lebbit is still lonely but she had some friends with reindeer. Her best friend is Rudolf!

CUTE RIGHT? LOLOLOL

I can’t believe I wrote something like this HAHAHAHA

I think I wrote that when I was 12 years old!

That was the time I had no friends at school and addicted to a MMORPG, Ragnarok Online.

My only friends were those online friends. T_T

I lied to them that I was born in 1989 (I was born in 1995) so that they won’t treat me like a child LOLOL

And and and I used to be an otaku (anime person), now I only watch 0-2 anime in a year because I think most of the new anime sucks or it has a lot of episodes. (Lazy to catch up. I used to watch One Piece until episode 300+ I think)

I often admire those people who can maintain their friendship for many years (like besties forever). T_T

But I’m grateful that I have a best friend from my secondary school who will always find time to hang out with me when I’m back at my hometown even though we don’t chat via social network.

It’s like, we never had to maintain our relationship!

Honestly, I never thought that Stephanie and I would become friends and play together (I can say frequently).

My past experience with girls who play DotA, most of them are quite busy, they have their own gang or we don’t like each other LOLOL

I met Stephanie for the first time at a steamboat dinner and I stalked her Facebook profile because I heard she is a DotA 2 player

But I didn’t add her because I’m afraid that she might “seen” my Facebook message or never had a chance to play together and it would seems like she never existed in my friend list.

I was so touched and happy when she add me and we played together

Since I live in KL, I met a lot of girl gamers! I’m really happy LOL

Because most of them are kinda like me

They use profanity, so do I

I felt like I’m being myself when I’m with them

No one will tell you to stop using vulgarities

I also have lovely classmates, they are absolutely better a lot compared to my primary school and secondary school classmates

I used to look back at my past memories a lot

I wonder if I could revive some broken friendships

I wonder if I could make some changes

But I realized, I can only take the past as a lesson and look forward haha

6 Types of Annoying Online Customers in Malaysia

1# Comment “pm” on your thread/post

Pm means private/personal message. This kind of customer is very common in Malaysia. It is annoying only in certain situation such as you have already put up every single detail of the items that you are selling and they just reply/comment “pm” on your thread/post.  It is really confusing because you don’t know what does the customer wants to know about. Even worse, 3# will occur after you pm them yourself.

2# Hey, I am interested in one of your stuffs that you are selling! Add me!

Sorry to say that this kind of customer is a lazy fuck. You have the fucking time to comment/reply on my thread/post but have no time to click the “add as friend” button or “message”? And after I add that guy, he didn’t even message me. wtf. He waited for me to message him. wtf WTF. Next time I will ignore this kind of lazy fucks already.

3# Never read the description

Another lazy fuck. This  type of customer doesn’t even read the description of the item you’re selling. I type every single important details clearly but these lazy fucks loves to see my reply even though I gave them a link where there is clear description about the items I’m selling.

4# Customers are always right

Bullshit. Sellers are also human. We have feelings and we are not your servant, so fuck off if you don’t treat us like human while you’re fighting for your so called equality in this country. There is one customer who wants to  COD (cash on delivery) at Times Square but I rejected because it was kinda far for me and I cannot wake up on that time. So after that she said that she will go to Festival City Mall (15 minutes walking distance from the place I’m renting) for COD but I asked her to come to the hospital nearby (which is the next bus station after Festival City and 5 minutes walking distance from my place) instead since she is going by bus. This girl started to tell me that she already tolerate me to meetup at Festival City bla bla bla. wtf. You kept ask me to sell reserved items to you and offered higher price and I’ve rejected nicely already. Who is tolerating with who?

5# Pilots

MOST customers who requested for reservation will cancel their order and they won’t even let you know about it. They won’t pick up your calls or reply your SMS. They are great pilots. Never ever reserve (long-term) something for someone if they don’t pay deposit because you might end up getting ffk-ed.

6# Scammers

The scammers will ask you to send them the items first without paying or pay half. If you reject, they will start to accuse you as a scammer.

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Well, these are all my experience as a trader. If you are one of them and are offended, kindly click the “x” button located on the top right of your browser, thank you. Honestly, I never disrespect my customers and always tolerate with them even if they are listed here unless they try to destroy my reputation. Thanks for reading my rantings as a seller LOL

It’s Over…

No more Monday blues

No more 5.40a.m. snooze alarm for 5 minutes

No more school uniform

No more hurrying with homework in the morning

No more sleeping at class

No more waiting for the school to end

School days are over

SPM is over

I somehow regretted for not studying harder LOL

Nevermind, it’s all over now!!

What are you going to do after SPM?

Dye your hair? Travel around? Hang out with friends?

I’m going to get hair, body and facial treatment that I’ve bought from Groupon.my

It’s so damn cheap!

I mean, the body and facial treatment worth RM192 includes body waxing and facial + organic mask for RM18 per person ONLY(if you bought for 2 person)!!

OMG!!

I’m sooo gonna redeem my voucher at Jimary Beauty Shop on next Monday!!

AAAAAAAAAAANNNNNDDD

The hair treatment worth RM172 includes L’Oréal Hair Treatment or Scalp Treatment + Wash + Blow for RM15 PER PERSON(If you bought for 2 person)!!!

BESIDES…

I also want to spend more time with my beloved doggy a.k.a. Chiyu-chan hehe

Go to the beach, ZenQ, Young-Su’s Ice Cream

Make Hokkaido Cupcakes

Travelling

Learn guitar, various language especially Japanese and improve my English!

and so so so so on!!

So tell me what are you going to do after SPM by commenting this post!

Secondary School

As time goes by, I will be graduated from secondary school

I used to hate school since kindergarten as I’m always being bullied by others

I remember when I was in primary school, every morning when I reached my class

I would stood beside the classroom’s backdoor, eavesdropped my classmates’ conversation about me

People took advantages on me

I helped them but I got hurt in return

Anyway, these are the past

I wonder if I would do better in my college life in future

I wonder if I would have a lot of friends or maybe a best friend in college in future

I’m happy because I’m going to be independent soon

I can make money with my own efforts soon, get a proper job I mean

At the same time, I feel sad because I’m going to leave my friends and memories at school

I’m going to miss them all

However, I feel even frustrated when I realized that I had no one (classmates I mean) to tell about it =o=

Maybe I should tell the girl who sat beside me?

or the girl who sat in front of me (Mei Sing)?

but definitely not the girl who sat behind me @o@

Oh wait, I should tell my previous classmates too!

The first time I had my break time meal at the canteen with Ji Jiuan when I were Form 2 until Form 3

We stopped spending our break time at the canteen after I transferred to another class as we’re getting busier with studies, somemore the food at the canteen aren’t healthy at all =_=”

So I started to make my own food or bring snacks to school

I somehow missed the times we used to have our break time at the canteen

My best companion at school when I were Form 1 until Form 3 is Stella

She helped me a lot and I feel bad for mistreating her sometimes

I don’t know why sometimes I just felt annoyed by her =o=

However, our bonds of relationship got loosen after I got shifted to another class

I remember when I were Form 1, I used to drew the tables with pencils and correction pen (until now I still draw my table with pencils LOL)

 

#Fish Ball-chan

 

#Fertilization (Form 3)

Carving names pointing the person who sat in front and beside me

 

#Ginger-san

This guy who sat in front of me is Jun Jie, his name sounds like ginger so I used to call him ginger haha

Drew the blackboard with L4D characters

Anyway, tomorrow I’ll be sitting a BIG EXAM —— SPM

Lets wish the all SPM candidates out there all the best and I hope I can get straight As :’)

KTHXBYE.

Fighting for myself

I am currently confronting cyberbullying by the psycho as mentioned in my previous posts

People always advised me to ignoreignore and IGNORE

I’ve always been told, “WHY CAN’T YOU IGNORE SUCH PERSON? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO CARE ABOUT HIM? WHY AREN’T YOU SOLVING THIS PROBLEM? GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS

My dear, have you put yourself in my shoes?

You don’t know what am I facing everyday

Give him what he wants?

He NEVER appreciate any chances that I gave him. Never.

OH, I BOOT-LICKED THE ADMINS TO GET RGDS AND RANKS NO?

Why did I apply for channel moderation?

That’s because I want to STOP you from disturbing my peaceful gaming sessions

How did I get RGDs?

I am paid by my seniors to change my display name as they requested for it

It was a joke at first but they really gave me the RGDs to do it

I do EARN RGDs MYSELF by participating events and selling DotA 2 BETA keys

He threatened me to vouch him back to 2 channels that I am moderating on RGC

Why I unvouched him from those channels?

That’s because chances are given to him and he did not reflect on his mistakes

According to the rules, if one got banned 3 times for the same reason, one should be unvouched

You see, I don’t abuse my powers anyhow

I ban and unvouch with reasonable reasons

Everytime I ban or unvouch someone from the channel who had violated the rules, I ALWAYS state proper reasons and attach evidence(s)

For some reasons which I had already forgotten, I decided to give him a chance and vouched him back to one of the channels (Asia.Gaming) that I am moderating at RGC

Why do I vouch him back in one channel only?

That’s because I still cannot trust him

I have to examine whether he had already reflected on his shameful actions

However, he failed to display repentance by calling me ego at Asia.Gaming  for not vouching him to (Asia) -AP too

Somemore threaten me?

I asked my fellow seniors whether the word “ego” he said is liable to unvouch you or not

They said yes it is acceptable if I felt insulted

I believe my justification on the “abusive female admin at RGC” case is clear enough

I DID WHAT I COULD ALREADY

I made police reports, contacting his parents on phone,  meet him up to solve this issue even though there’s no issues at all, block him from everywhere on the Internet and so on

Contacting his parents doesn’t works?

He won’t learn his lessons even though his dad scolded him several times for disturbing me

Anyway, his parents are too busy to care about him or maybe he’s not that important to them

Why did I said that there’s no issue at all?

Why am I being bullied for nothing?

In brief, this screenshot explains everything

I don’t get why he can’t accept the fact that we’re broke up already

I dumped him but he disagreed so he tries to mess up with me

and now he wants to be my friend but I rejected 😦

He said that I’m so immature because I don’t give him a chance to have any connection with me

I’m so immature just because I don’t want to be his friend so it means that I don’t want to forgive him

To forgive someone doesn’t mean that you MUST be that person’s friend or having any connection with that person

He doesn’t even know the definition of FORGIVE and how to forgive a person

His ignorant and low IQ would probably cause him to fail tounderstand the meaning of FORGIVE

Let me define the word FORGIVE for you okay?

forgive
n verb (past forgave; past participle forgiven) stop feeling angry or resentful towards (someone) for an offence or mistake. Øexcuse (an offence or mistake).

DERIVATIVES
forgivable adjective
forgivably adverb
forgiver noun
forgiving adjective
forgivingly adverb

ORIGIN
Old English forgiefan, of Germanic origin, ultimately related to for- and give.

Extracted from Portable.Oxford English Dictionary .v2008 

ARE YOU MAKING UP STORIES? IF YOU’VE REPORTED TO THE POLICE, HE WONT DO SUCH THINGS AGAIN

Oh yeah, I make up stories

Why are you so sure that he won’t do such things again?

As you can see in the explanation of the “abusive female admin on RGC”, he won’t learn his lessons even though chances had been given

Why don’t I upload the police statement?

Nah, it’s too just to troublesome to scan the statement and post on the Internet

It’s not like I would make a story about it -.-

Anyway, people with common sense will know who is speaking the truth

LIKE THIS:

Since he did not lay a hand on me after the first police report, the police won’t give a damn about it

Why don’t I get a lawyer to settle this problem?

That’s because my parents would chose to IGNORE

Since they chose to ignore, I can’t do anything about it unless I chose to whine like a little bitch in front of them

JUST BE NICE OKAY? STOP THESE NONSENSE!

I’m sorry I so badddddd

I revealed his photo and Facebook name but I didn’t post his number or ask someone to prank call him, I’m sorry that I’m not nice enough

I’m so cruel because I chose not to post up his girlfriend’s photo

I didn’t even post links to his Facebook, Twitter or any social network

I didn’t post his home address so someone could beat him up

I didn’t mention how bad I am for posting up screenshots of him requesting me to reveal the stalker in my previous post

I’m so bad that I made police report just to ruin his life

Oh dear… I shouldn’t protect myself…

Let me tell you something

At that time, like ALMOST everyday my inbox got spammed by him from day till dawn

LIKE MAD

I should sympathize him NO?

https://twitter.com/antiuglyppl
https://twitter.com/prettygirlsrulz
https://twitter.com/virtualfakegirl
https://twitter.com/ImmaturePeople
https://twitter.com/AreYouMatured
https://twitter.com/UglyFakeMalaysi
https://twitter.com/FakePhotoClown
https://twitter.com/MaiKekWah
https://twitter.com/YouSoHoly
https://twitter.com/FakeGodReborn
https://twitter.com/FakeGodSuans
https://twitter.com/FakeGodLaughs
https://twitter.com/NicoleSaysYourU
https://twitter.com/fakegodowns
https://twitter.com/fakegodburns
https://twitter.com/YuriIsSoUgly
https://twitter.com/LaiXiaoXiUgly
https://twitter.com/LaiXiaoXiSucks

These are the twitter accounts that he created just to do some attacks on me

Crazy enough right?

Anyway, I’m gotta stop typing as I still have a lot of tasks to be done

p/s: I won’t post anything about this topic anymore for my next post, next next post, future posts

K BYE.

 

Update: Here’s some screenshot of him disturbing me and my bf. I’ve deleted some last time coz i tot he won’t disturb me anymore but I was wrong. I managed to retrieve these ss only.